Is parent-child communication etiquette important?

author：Editor date：2024-03-15 15:41:19 popularity： column：article

Is etiquette really that important?

There may be mothers who say, what etiquette do you talk to your children, he has to listen to whatever I say, isn't it all for his good, don't listen to it, and think that no mother is not all for the child, even if she works hard, she feels that it is worth it, this is love, and the children will definitely feel it.

Speaking of which, I'd like to share with you a case I saw:

A boy who was admitted to Tsinghua University, since he was a child, his parents have been taking care of him in every way and managing him strictly, so he studied very well, and after graduating from Tsinghua University, his parents gritted their teeth and sold a suite, pooling money to send him to the United States to study.

But what is very unexpected is that when he arrived in the United States, the first thing he did was to put his parents on the blacklist, and wrote an open letter to cut off relations with his parents.

He thinks that he can't do anything except study now, can't communicate with others, can't have a good relationship with others, has no ability to live, and can't fall in love, the whole class has a partner, but he doesn't, all of which has a lot to do with his parents' improper education of her since she was a child.

After reading this article, I am really full of emotion, pity the hearts of parents all over the world, they don't know how to love, it's all harm.

One of the things I remember the most is once chatting with a friend's child, who was about the first year of junior high school that year, and he said to me aggrievedly that I think my parents are simply too demanding, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can't meet their requirements, they always find fault with me, criticize me, sarcastically mock me, hit me, and say that this is my love.

If this is their love, I would rather not have this kind of love, after hearing this sentence I feel very heartbroken, why?

Because when my daughter was young, I really taught her like this, no matter how good he is, I have to find some fault to criticize her, reprimand her, just because I am afraid that she will be proud and want her to be pressured, I feel that I am really good to her in this world, and I want her to be the best.

After listening to what the child said, I really felt very stimulated, it turned out that I was good to the child like this, and the child will not be grateful, and not only not grateful, but also hate you.

What I want to share with you is that parents' love for their children is not measured by how much love their parents give, but by how much love their children can receive.

So why don't children feel the love of their parents? It's because there is a problem with the communication between the two parties, so they don't understand each other, just like a popular saying at the moment - there is a kind of coldness that your mother thinks you are cold.

What is effective communication

Let's take a look at what communication is, and the meaning of communication itself is to use some kind of channel to enable both parties to communicate. If you communicate with your child, the other party does not respond, or simply refuses to accept, this kind of communication is called only a ditch, in fact, it is equivalent to ineffective communication, when we communicate problems, we have to find a way to solve the problem of communication.

The ability to communicate with others is very important, it is related to whether a person's career is successful in his life, whether he is happy in life, so this ability should be imperceptibly influenced by parents in the family from an early age, because parents are the best teachers for children.

Then there are three general forms of communication:

1. Oral communication;

2. Written language communication;

3. Body language communication.

The main purpose of our communication is to resolve conflicts between family members, maintain family harmony, and convey the love between family members. Well, as a rule, family conflicts occur in three main areas:

1. Conflict in behavior;

2. Conflict with different needs of each other;

3. The conflict between the two sides with different values.

So what is behavior?

This is one of the most basic and important concepts in parent-child communication, and many skills need to use this concept, so our parents must have a correct understanding of this concept. But unfortunately find that many parents are not very clear about this concept.

Let me give you an example, let's say a few of our favorite quotes:

My child is very active and can't be quiet for a while;

My kids always like to watch TV, but they don't like to do homework;

My child is very headstrong and always goes against me......

Then these words are often on the lips of parents. So let's analyze this sentence and see if your judgment is correct?

Many mothers have reported that my child is very active and can't calm down for a while, and even some mothers can't bear it, and take their children to the hospital for a check-up to see if the child has ADHD, and the result is that there is nothing wrong with the examination, why is this?

I think there are two reasons for this:

The first is that the mother may be a very quiet mother, she doesn't like to be too noisy at all, and she can't listen too much, the child is very lively and active, she will be particularly unbearable;

If this mother is a very outgoing and very lively mother, and especially likes to play games and play with her children, she will not find her children noisy.

If you look at the same behavior, different mothers will get different results. So we say that sometimes there is no complete right or wrong in children's behavior, there are only two kinds, one is acceptable to the mother, and the second is that the mother is not acceptable.

So let's now look at who has emotions when the two sides are in conflict? Of course, parents will have emotions, and children will also have emotions, so this emotion of both parties is the biggest obstacle to communication between each other.

An effective method of communication

Let's take a look at what are the 12 biggest stumbling blocks in parent-child communication?

1. Commands; 2. Threats; 3. Lessons; 4. Suggestions; 5. Persuasion; 6. labeling;

7. Praise; 8. Abusive; 9. Analysis; 10. Comfort; 11. Inquiry; 12 transfers.

These 12 responses are also known as the 12 major stumbling blocks to parent-child communication, and any one of them can hinder communication between parents and children.

Maybe just now the mothers said, teacher, you are wrong, how do you say that guidance, advice, inquiry, and even praise will be a stumbling block, it is true, when parents are biased, your guidance, suggestions, inquiries, and praise will become a stumbling block, what should we do?

Moms, let's do such an exercise.

One day the child came home and told you that Xiao Ming was a big bad guy, he sprinkled water on my face and wet my school bag, and I really wanted to beat him up. How Would You Answer?

In fact, you can try to give back: Xiao Ming, you spilled water on your body and got your schoolbag wet, which makes you very angry, doesn't it? Then in this link, you actively listen, understand, accept, and empathize with the child's emotions.

A child's emotions are a kind of energy, and when the child's energy is understood and accepted, he will produce a sense of strength and a sense of security, which is what the child needs most.

So here I would like to share with my dear parents a little trick we have when communicating with our children, which is called sandwich communication.

Praise first, then tell the truth, and finally affirm and encourage.

For example, Xiao Ming's exam results this semester are not good, and then there is a parent-teacher conference, Xiao Ming must be very worried.

So what did Dad say when he came back from a parent-teacher conference?

Praise first: Xiao Ming, Mom and Dad went to the parent-teacher meeting today, so the teacher praised you at the parent-teacher meeting, and Mom and Dad were very happy. The teacher said that you are a very smart child, no matter what you learn, you can learn it as soon as you learn, and you learn it very well.

Next, let's tell the truth: to be honest, your grades this semester are indeed not good, and the teacher also said that I didn't expect you to be so unsatisfactory in the exam, but your parents are still very confident in you, and think that as long as you work a little hard next semester, you will definitely do very well.

This is called the sandwich method.

So here I am also sharing with you mothers when communicating with their children - the seven principles of non-responsibility.

1. Not being responsible in public means not scolding your child in front of many people.

2. Remorse, if the child is actually very ashamed and regretful, in this case, do not blame the child.

3. Don't blame at night, it's very late at night, and the child is about to go to bed, don't blame the child at this time.

Fourth, do not blame the child when the child is eating

Fifth, the celebration is not responsible. Don't blame your child when he's happy, for example, when he's celebrating a birthday or when he's happy.

Sixth, sorrow and irresponsibility. The child is very sad, and when he is sad, you should stop blaming the child.

7. Illness is not responsible, if the child is sick, do not blame in this case

When we communicate with children, the best way is to have a bud mentality and inclusive love.

Yes, this is true love!

In the final analysis, educating children is not a problem of method, but a problem of mentality, a change in mentality, no problem, a change in mentality, unlimited methods, a complete change in mentality, and miracles will appear.

Many mothers have such an experience, when you see other people's children, you are always smiling, gentle and lovely, but when you come home to your own children, you immediately and often have your facial features urgently gathered:

You see how you are so ignorant,

You see how your homework hasn't been done yet,

You know how to throw toys everywhere and so on,

We find that we always leave the best love for other people's children, and the most ugly words and ugly faces for our own children.

In fact, parent-child communication etiquette is very simple, just ten words: love, sincerity, empathy, empathy; Prescription: Listen actively, smile often, affirm and encourage.

What the children crave most is the warmth of the family, the smiling faces of their parents, and finally give everyone a word: Mom is smiling, spring is coming; Dad smiled, and the flowers bloomed.

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